Take a Tip From Me.

These days, you can't get a cup of coffee without seeing the dreaded "jar".   A blatant demand for free money at any given establishment.  Ok.  I admit it.  I know times are tough.  But something bugs me about the high school kid behind the counter, expecting a tip for the service of pouring me a dollar's worth of coffee.

You see, I know all about tips, having worked in a "tipping" establishment for nearly 20 years.  Most everyone knows I spent many years behind a chair, as a hairstylist, in both Oregon and California.  And one of the first lessons we learned as soon as our student scissors hit the floor at beauty school is that we were expected to *earn* our tips.  It wasn't enough just to give a quick haircut and then expect a gratuity.  We were expected to be prompt for an appointment.  Make the customer comfortable.  Bring coffee.  Magazines.  Was my customer under a dryer for a period of time?  Ok, I got the footstool to prop up their feet.  Basically, our service was expected to be spot-on, for that 15%.   And on a $10 service, YOU do the math!

So, these days I can't help but to feel a bit hounded.  Ok.  Even a bit peeved, that people are beginning to feel that any kind of work at all deserves an additional contribution from our pocketbooks.  Punching a few keys on a cash register and carrying my order from counter to counter doesn't warrant a tip for "services rendered".   I would rather hand that honor to the poor waitress that sits me in a comfortable seat, hands me a menu, gives specials and suggestions, and generally "gives great service". 

But, in the spirit of giving... allow me to give those teenage coffee jockeys a few tips... on life.

*   NOTHING will ever prepare you for parenthood.  Or childbirth.  Or marriage.

*  If someone says "Oh don't worry about it", maybe you should.

*  All men find farting funny.  All.

*  If someone gives you a heart-felt compliment, don't argue.  Just say "thank you."

*  If a dog offers you their tummy, rub it.  You will both benefit.

*  Don't use swear words all the time.  Save them for special occasions.  Then let them proudly fly. 

*  It's better to have fewer friends, but of the highest possible quality.

*  When in doubt, flush twice.

*  Always drive like there is a cop in your rear-view mirror.

*  Don't be afraid of getting older.  That is when the fun starts.