ZOMBIES ATTACK!!!

Life is too freaking short not to have some fun. In a world full of hate, misery, unemployment and shortage of coffee, we have to learn to look at things around us and see the humor.


So, why zombies?


I actually took one of my zombies on a recent visit to my shrink. A lifelong battle with depression has shown me that even a small giggle is a triumph of existence. Besides, I actually wanted to see if he would insist that I be locked up in a padded room, once he saw one. To his credit, he was actually intrigued. His opinion was that during dark times, people gravitate to darker images. Hence, the latest zombie flash mobs or a possible explanation of teen girls screaming "Team Edward"!


I like zombies. Think of it! You could mindlessly eat whatever you want and not worry about any consequences!!! Brains? Hell no. I'm headed for an extra thick brownie sundae with oodles of hot fudge.

Name: Ron Zombie

Hobbies include: grunting, moaning, staggering and bleeding out of various body orifices.

Status: Currently up for adoption (or renting out body parts)

Therapy Doll: "Not Me!"

Anyone who has a child knows this demon well. He is in charge of all mischief in a family's home. Who poked a hole in the wall? All children involved will yell "Not me!".

Who ate the entire bag of chocolate chips? "Not me!"

Anyone care to explain how my makeup ended up smeared all over the bathroom floor? You got it. "Not me!"

(Soon to be followed by his brother: "He did it!")

Therapy Doll: "Mary Has A Snit-Fit"

Some days, a situation leaves you speechless. But this day, I actually WAS speechless! A recent bout of strep throat left me without a voice. But as fate would have it... this is one day that a voice would have been most helpful.

I answered the ad for a local shop specializing in vintage, recycled and art. Boy, sounds like my kind of place. And just down the road too! So, I popped in to absorb some inspiration, and perhaps drop a bit of cash.

There I met Mary.

My years of hairdressing immediately grasped a head of hair, bleached to the end of its life. Heavy "cat's eye' make-up accentuated her suspiciously narrowed eyes. But her physical appearance was nothing compared to the waves of animosity that flowed from her petite fame. She had recognized me as being a vendor from another local show. Ok... there is nothing wrong with that. As an artist, I maintain a monthly curcuit of 5 to 7 shows. But this pushy pansy started to accuse me of showing up to her show merely to steal her ideas.

My whispered voice did nothing to match her frantic screech. After a good 5 minutes of her diatribe I was able to cut in to my defense. I asked her if she remembered my work. While I doubt that she actually did, she claimed that she knew it well. I then asked her in my scratchy voice, how in the hell would someone that specialized in cashmere zombies with exposed brains compete with "romantic french country"? Unable to answer, she huffed off. The encounter leaving me with the makings of...

Title: "Mary Has A Snit Fit"

Contents: Cashmere sweater, wool sweater, "green" wool roving

Status: Adopted by a very brave, patient woman. I wish you luck.